Monday, August 9, 2010


Tonight is the new moon. I’ve read so much about this particular new moon and big changes, Eris and chaos, and the intensity of energy, but as I quiet myself and just BE, I have, well, nothing. No great happiness, no intense rage, no motivation to change NOW, nothing. Don’t mistake this for indifference, it’s not that either- it’s that I’m feeling absolutely neutral.

I have to admit, I’m uncomfortable with neutral. Elation…sure. Rage…oh yeah, but neutral? I am even a little afraid of neutral. Part of me, especially in light of all the change and chaos talk, is wondering if this is a calm before a storm. There’s a voice telling me to rest and recoup while I can.

Yet another voice tells me this “neutral” is a reminder that even in times of change and chaos, global or personal, I am always taken care of, supported, that I’ll be okay. My friend Vanessa Smith at talked about floating on your back, letting go, and being supported just today. This can be quite a conflict with the survivalist mentality I have had my whole life.

So, which is it? Is this the calm before the storm, or a quiet, gentle reminder that I am always able to be calm, supported or taken care of?

Well, now that I’ve admitted to multiple voices in my head, I’m going to go waaaayyyy out on a limb and say it’s all correct.

I have already made up my mind that big changes are coming for me- that’s no big shocker or secret. And any calm should be seen as a time of reflection, rest, recuperation, and rejuvenation. Without times like this, it’s easy to stay in a perpetual “survival” mindset, something I am desperately trying to get out of.

But, in order to get out of that mindset, I need to trust (another word I can’t seem to get away from lately) that I will be taken care of, supported, that the Lord and the Lady have my back. I know deep inside my soul that they do, it just gets lost in the clamor of constant activity and diversions.

When we are children, we need to feel the security and trust that our parents will take care of us. Sometimes, things happen that cause us to lose that security and trust- sometimes it’s our parents, and sometimes it’s events out of their control, but when we lose that, it’s gone. We grow up lost, insecure, and untrusting- Survival mode. It’s been more than 30 years, but I am feeling the arms of the Great Mother around me, a homecoming of sorts. I really know that embrace of trust and security- that no matter what storm comes, I will be more than okay, I will be bigger, and better, and wiser. Now I can lay back and float, knowing I will be supported.

I’m feeling a lot better about neutral now-

New Moon Blessings to All!

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